The Thing About Finding Your Own Way

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In the novel, Siddhartha, by Herman Hesse, Siddartha, a man beset by an inner restlessness and search for enlightenment, meets Gotama Buddha. He has heard Gotama's teachings, and despite being impressed by their clarity and perfection of thought, he informs him that he, Siddartha, cannot become one of his followers, but needs to choose his own path to enlightenment.

Gotama listens quietly, and without judgement, says:   

“But tell me: Have you seen the multitude of my Samanas, my many brothers, who have taken refuge in (my) teachings? And do you believe...that it would be better for them all (to) abandon the teachings and to return into the life the world and of desires?"

"Far is such a thought from my mind," exclaimed Siddhartha. "I wish that they shall all stay with the teachings, that they shall reach their goal! It is not my place to judge another person's life. Only for myself, for myself alone, I must decide, I must choose, I must refuse. If I merely were one of your disciples, oh venerable one, I'd fear that it might happen to me that only seemingly, only deceptively, my self would be calm and be redeemed, but that in truth it would live on and grow, for then I had replaced my self with the teachings, my duty to follow you, my love for you, and the community of the monks!”

By the end of the book, Siddartha does indeed find enlightenment, but not without his share of difficulties and hardships. 

And that was his point. The journey was as essential to the outcome as simply being told the end goal by someone else, and then taking those steps blindly, without thought, without due diligence, without personal assessment. 

Because "only for myself, for myself alone, I must decide, I must choose".

Because he would have replaced his self with the teachings of others, with little regard for its validity, its value, for the applicability of those teachings to himself.

To re-use a cliche, Siddartha's message is one for the ages. I think this is what so many of our life's decisions are guided by.

We all search for meaning, for understanding, for the "path". Personal, spiritual or professional.

We want the answers and, as a consequence, so often, we're overly eager to let others - who claim (rightly or wrongly) to have found the way - tell us what to do. We look to them - use them - not as guides who can assist us on a path of self discovery, but as strict instructors, thereby foregoing our innate desire for adventure (in whatever form) for a defined, risk-mitigated reality (or at least perception of it).

Why?

Is it because we're afraid? Afraid of the graft, the hardships, the pain we must endure?

Is it because it’s easier to simply let go and be led down a well-trodden path? To let someone else take us there? (If they do, we've found the easy way. If they don't, then it wasn't really our fault, was it?)

The real truth is that we can never really be fulfilled unless we've taken the decision to plot our own path. And accept everything that comes along with it. Good or bad.

Because no two people are the same, and hence no two paths are the same.

Yet we struggle against our true selves. We push back, explicitly or implicitly.

When really we need to simply let go and accept it. 

Because "only for myself, for myself alone, I must decide, I must choose".